Ramshackled Habits

As I begin my last and final semester, I notice my conscious entering a vaguely familiar stance: confusion. There comes several, if not, many moments in our lives where we approach a crossroad. The tense, stiff, and paralyzing effect this encounter creates allows a dark shadow to hover over one’s fragile body. Gasping for air, taking deep gulps of one’s saliva, and several blinks in a multitude of only a few seconds, we are faced yet again with our biggest demon: ourselves.

Decisions are no easy task. Regardless if things are easy or hard, you are still required to make a choice. And how do you go about making one? Well, that’s subjective. Depends on who you’re asking, the situation, and what you want the outcome to be. Now in my regard, I had trouble in deciding between something that I am interested in versus something I can actually obtain. In this case, I had a handful of classes I found really interesting with long wait lists while another handful were attainable but had me weary of the subjects. Being an English major, I knew all of the classes would greatly consist of novels and essays, but it just depended on which ones I wanted to read. A lot of the ones available were ones I already read, which in theory, would be to my benefit. However,  I knew that was not what I wanted for I was inclined and craved new substancies.

Not only did I choose two English classes where I have never read the material, but I tackled on two sociology classes: one on technology and another on poverty.

Now, this one instance where I came at a crossroads and felt lost, it has now become a common private yet public space that many pass through. Although this is a small detail of my own life, I was faced with larger contexts. Which job should I take? What career path? Should I travel or pay back loans ASAP? Move back home or stay where I am? Be with someone or on my own? Get a new place or stay? And so the list goes on which leads me to my next point.

Why “Ramshackled” and “Habits”? I’ll tell you why. Ramshackled because it’s a state that everyone has been through. Everyone has experienced it at some point in their life and it doesn’t last forever; it’s only temporary. Is it possible to experience it more than once? Yes. But it’s a good thing. The strength you gain in this process surpasses the run-down feeling that temporarily engulfs you. As the waves of thoughts tumble viciously in the cerebrum, there is a gratifying moment where the waters become to run still. Peace and self-awareness comes into focus and it is here where we are faced with making a decision. On the other hand, “habit” is the moment where  we face an internal battle with ourselves. Habit allows us to form a comfort zone with regular consistencies which in turn make them that much harder to break. How do the two go hand in hand ? Well for me, it means that I have had a tendency to continue to be in a ramshackled state overall. In different aspects of my life, I have neglected confronting tendencies that need adjusting. By ignoring and not delving into one’s true feelings, the ultimate loss is to yourself.

By becoming aware and understanding your stance in your own life, you would be surprised how simple it can be to turn a “hard” decision into simply just a decision.


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